Humanoid Search Engine

Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.

We all by now understand Chuck Norris's great strength. A lesser known facet of his power is his intelligence. Chuck Norris is seemingly able to deduce the location of anything. This would require computational skills beyond what any computer today can achieve.

Final thoughts: Chuck Norris's ability to locate anything on the planet (or theoretically the universe) would be insanely beneficial, that is fairly obvious. Interestingly enough, Chuck Norris can also instantly arrive anywhere he wishes. I would compare this to the Instant Transmission used by the character Goku in the popular anime series Dragon Ball. The two powers combined (the ability to deduce where anyone/anything is in the entirety of the universe, and the ability to arrive anywhere in the universe instantaneously) would obviously be an extremely potent combination. 

As always your comments are welcome.



Chuck Norris runs until the treadmill gets tired.

This fact is fairly easy to analyze. Chuck Norris's endurance (and likely speed) would far outweigh the capabilities of the machine. One of the many moving parts would fail due to imperfections. It is inevitable. As we know, Chuck Norris and all the moving parts within him have zero imperfections. They can run with perfect efficiency for all of the foreseeable future.

Final thoughts: Absolute mathematical perfection on a realistic scale in nature is not something thought to be a possibility. Fractals come close, but are only accurate to a certain degree. It is explained to us that Chuck Norris is perfect. Could this imply that Chuck Norris is not born from nature? Is there a possibility Chuck Norris was created by another intelligence? If so, is that being more powerful than Chuck Norris himself?

We'll talk more about this issue on Tuesday. Tell me what you think.



Sorry to post so frequently.

Recently as you guys may already know, I got over 1k pageviews. I am surprised with the success of this blog, it came from such a little idea. Thanks to Chris (my roommate) over at http://zgchris.blogspot.com/ for plugging my blog.

This was something I found particularly interesting.
It's nice to see some people are finally getting it through their skulls that Internet Explorer is not a real browser. Take care everyone. The weekend is coming up, I probably won't be posting through it. If you think of something interesting I should consider, comment here.

The Corpse of Norris

It has been asked what will happen to the body of Chuck Norris when he chooses to leave this world. Similar to a saint, his body will not decompose. The does not indicate holiness, Chuck Norris's body is simply so durable that it is not edible to any form of life. Additionally he will move on to another dimension. Perhaps simply phasing into another timeline. Here he will form another physical body and continue his life in a completely alternative reality.

We have to figure that all the legends of Chuck Norris's experiences have to mean he's been around for longer than a single lifetime, yet we can determine exactly how long he's been here. Being immortal, getting tired of the dimension you live in is expected, so after approximately one human life, he vanishes into another world. We continue to live semi-peacefully post-departure.


The Beard

I've gotten a question or two about Chuck Norris's beard. I've also heard a few people claim the beard is a source of power, that within every hair is the claimed soul of a fallen enemy. I personally have no way of knowing for sure, but the lore leads us to believe that Chuck Norris's beard is indestructible. This obviously means that the beard cannot be made of keratin (as normal beards/hair are). It is probably made from an unfathomably strong bio-alloy.

The toughness and resilience of the beard provides a great number of benefits:
- Armor covering a large percentage of the face.
- Enhanced tickling abilities (for the ladies).
- Makeshift weapon in dire situations.
- And likely much more.

Should you encounter bits of information about Chuck Norris's beard that you think I may not have heard, please let me know.


Knowing Chuck Norris

Wikipedia's Chuck Norris article states, "... Norris is a tough, all-powerful super-being. Chuck Norris facts have spread around the world, leading not only to translated versions, but also spawning localized versions..." While we all know this to be true, it is a sobering reality to read it from a factual source.

Though we don't understand much about his power, we are lucky to exist on friendly terms with him. The legends of his exploits claim quite a bit, including incredible feats of violence. It isn't unreasonable that if you believe all of it, you could worship Chuck Norris as a god. The lore leads you to believe he is immortalinfallible, omnipotent, and supernatural in general. I believe that may be just a bit too far.

Obviously there is a scientific explanation for why Chuck Norris is so powerful. As normal humans, we can only speculate. We clearly are not evolved enough as a species or technologically to properly analyze the scientific reasons for his power, or the source of his power. 

If we average the overwhelming range of potential power Chuck Norris is thought to be capable of, we come up with some interesting results. We get a man who is capable of say, lassoing the moon and pulling into an ocean. However this man is not capable of say, creating an entire universe. If we use this as a basis for potential theories it becomes easier to judge the claims about Chuck Norris.

It may seem mad, but there are certainly forces in our universe more powerful than Chuck Norris. Lassoing the moon and pulling it to the Earth seems to require a lot of energy, sure. However, in comparison to merging neutron star binaries, it's a single drop in a very large ocean.

Final thoughts: In some ways Chuck Norris is at the mercy of the universe. To us, he is immortal. The average human could never hope to harm Chuck Norris in any way.



I have a nearly unlimited supply of Chuck Norris lore I can draw from, but what do my readers want to hear? Use the comment system in this post to suggest some of your favorite Chuck Norris lines so I can analyze them. If someone has a particularly interesting one, support it so I can pick the one the community enjoys the most.

I look forward to reading what you guys have to say!


Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

This line has brought me a bit of trouble. According to lore, all of Chuck Norris is invincible. His body can withstand even the most intense of damage. However, this joke seems to suggest that if a part of his body were to turn on him, he would destroy it. This reminds me of the "Immovable Object V. Unstoppable Force". Would Chuck Norris be damaged by his actions, or will he be just fine? Would he function better than before?

Final thoughts: I believe Chuck could remove treacherous parts of his body to better suit his needs. Will is all Chuck Norris needs to continue functioning on this plane.


Inanimate Objects

Chuck Norris made a Happy Meal cry.

The implications of this are somewhat scary. According to this not only does Chuck Norris possess the power to bring inanimate objects to life, he has the power to make them feel emotions. Crying does not indicate sentience, but the ability to feel pain. I don't imagine this being far off from having the ability to create sentient life from nothing.

Final thoughts: It is suggested that Chuck Norris wields the power of a god. He can infuse a common item with both life and sadness. Truly an epic feat.


Regarding Passwords

"When Chuck Norris creates a login, it tells him 'password not strong enough', he types in his name and it tells him 'password too strong.'"

Obviously a feat that would require a potential energy force so strong it had the power to re-code specific lines of coding in order to prove on the physical plane how strong Chuck Norris is. However the only potential problem I see is that the computer has betrayed Chuck Norris, committing an act that would have surely resulted in its destruction. For anything to survive an encounter with Chuck Norris, it must do exactly as he wishes.

Final thoughts: Though the computer did compliment his strength, it also betrayed Chuck. A fatal mistake.


In this blog I will discuss on semi-regular basis the possible meaning of the accusations made against Chuck Norris in the various "humorous" one-liners that have been generated by the Internet community.

Because this "Internet meme" is dead, this will be a metaphorical autopsy.

As there are many Chuck Norris jokes, the fate of this blog has not been determined post-analysis.

Please stand by potential readers, the next post will be the first analysis.